The Peace Table of Friendship

So let's talk about "Peace Tables of Friendship , and more specifically, the idea of  "Peace Table Conflict Resolution".  I had never heard of a peace table until a few days ago when Penelope's friend, Fiona, sent her a note and asked if they could schedule one together with their guidance counselor.

"Hey Penelope what's a peace table of friendship?"

"Oh that's a serious thing where we sit down with Mrs. Counselor at a peace table and talk about our friendship problems.  It's very important"

Damn we forgot the actual table

"Huh, that does sound important.  What else do you do at a peace table?"

"Well we think about why we are friends and how it's important to be peaceful.  Sometimes Mrs. Counselor lets us hug each other."

Interpretive dancing is optional but highly encouraged

Maybe it's just me, but I don't remember my first grade problems needing such severe intervention.  Sure, the fights over whether to play tether ball or ride the teeter totter were sometimes vicious, but the schools solved THOSE problems by just outlawing tether ball and teeter totters.  Have things these days gotten so bad?  Is our political culture so divisive that now first graders across the country are resorting to extreme measures?

Listen, your worldview is just not compatible with mine, I think it's time you find someone else to discuss your crazy agenda with...Maybe I'll see you around the kickball court...maybe..

Delilah is Fiona's mother.  I was sort of worried about what the problem between Fiona and Penelope really was, because Delilah is also my friend.  I figured we needed to get this worked out in case it put my friendship on the line.  The other thing about Delilah is that she's a children's pastor, which gives me legitimacy among people who would otherwise write me off.  It's easy to win people over because if you tell them you're good friends with a CHILDREN'S PASTOR then they figure you are only slightly quirky instead of a total degenerate. I'll be BLEEPED if  Penelope was going to screw up my " I have a good friend who is a pastor card".

"So, uh, Penelope, what is the problem with you and Fiona anyway?  Is it serious?  Are you guys at a point of no return?"

"Well, it's kind of a big problem mom."

"What is it?  Boys?  Jealousy?"

"No, it's about characters.  Characters and animals."

"I don't think I understand."

“Well, you know, it’s just been hard lately.  At recess Fiona wants us to be princesses, and I want us to be animals.  So sometimes I just do it mom…I just pretend to be an animal anyway and she ‘be’s’ a princess  anyway.  Then we fight.  It’s a big problem.”

Watching her friend pretend to be a princess instead of a Panda has left this child permanently scarred.  Her guidance office chose not to implement Peace Tables of Friendship.

  One website I read said that every Peace Table should contain a timer, an instrument of peace, a plant and worry beads.  I'm sorry, but...what?  This is an elementary school, not a crisis center.  I fully realize that a first grader WILL THINK that whether or not she must pretend to be a Panda or a Princess at recess is a BIG DEAL, but let's not reinforce their already brazen tendency to think they are the center of the universe by, MAKING THEM THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE!  Now I'm not one of THOSE parents who will go storming up to the school and ask them about their Hippie ideas.  Because, the truth is, I don't really care if Penelope and Fiona do a peace table twice a week.  But, you can BLEEPIN' well bet I'm going to make fun of it.  Because that's what I do.  And I'm obnoxious.  A better mom than me would say I'm picking on a beautiful conflict resolution idea.  I say it would be better with a peace pipe to share.  Now THAT would be fun.

I see a princess wearing a panda mask...or a panda wearing a princess mask...or...hey give me the pipe again.

However, maybe there is a lesson to be learned here.  If a peace table teaches Penelope to suck it up and be a princess if it means I can still hang out with Delilah without fear of our children destroying the ego of the other, well then I guess that's okay.  Because again, I enjoy playing the "I'm friends with a Pastor" card.   

Touche Peace Table..Touche.