'Feeling Good About Ourselves 2014' is Just Around the Corner!

It's almost that time of year again!... Time to go shopping at Target, buy cheap toys, and prove to the world that we are kind and generous.

I got an email from my kids’ school the other day.  It was about identifying families who might want to apply for the holiday assistance program.  It seems early to be thinking about the holidays, but I suppose it takes a while for families to apply and be accepted, etc.

             

I’m sure that in a month or so, there will be fliers sent home that ask us to start thinking about helping to ‘adopt’ one of these families.  Every year when this happens I start to get really bleepin’ pissed.  I can’t help it.  And every year, I shout about how pissed I am to anyone who will listen…and it NEVER MAKES A DIFFERENCE.

             

 I actually blogged about this once a few years ago, and a lot of people read it.  But, not enough. And it certainly didn’t do anything to change this horrible system.  I’m going to try again this year.

               

So first, I’m going to put this declaration out there:  I know that people want to feel good about helping other people.  I get it.  I also get the fact that we want to teach our kids how to help others, and we get a high when we see them enjoying it.  I get it.  But it doesn't change the fact that what we are doing is ridiculously demeaning. 

So, at our school, and I’m pretty sure in thousands of other schools across the country, parents will get a list sent home in November.  The list will say something like this:

               

                                                             FAMILY 243

           Mom- Size M, Shoe size 8, wants: Mystery Fiction Novels, a blue sweater, socks, underwear..

                

           Dad- Size XL, Shoe size 12, Wants: Leather Work Gloves, A sweatshirt, socks, underwear

               

          Girl 8: Shoe size 1, Wants: A bike,  Craft Kits, A Disney princess doll, socks, underwear..

We'll get this list and  say, “Hey, I can buy some stuff!  And the kids can help me pick it out!  We will feel great about ourselves!”

I love that I bought the most expensive gift on the list because I get to call the PTA president and tell her to cross it off.  I am a hero.

                

And then we'll go shopping, pick it out, wrap it up in paper we picked out, let our kids put it in the box for Family 243 and we will feel so bleepin good about what we just did.  

We are bleeped up.

The most outrageous programs will even let the 'giver' put THEIR NAME on the gift tag.  I can't go so far as to say there is a special place in hell for these offenders, but let's just say it's a good thing I'm not in charge of the 'up' or 'down' department.

               

I wonder, if you can imagine for a moment, what MOM, ( Shoe size 8), feels like when she is watching her daughter open gifts on Christmas morning that she didn’t wrap.  In paper she didn’t pick out.  And she might not even have any bleepin’ idea what is actually IN the package.  I’m sure she feels grateful that her daughter has something to open, but can you imagine how truly undignified this whole scenario is?  

               

Think about your own Christmas. How many of you post on Facebook that you are “BUSY WRAPPING GIFTS!  GOT MY HOT COCOA AND MICHAEL BUBLE CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON!”  I’ll tell you how many…. BLEEPIN ALL OF YOU!  Because choosing gifts for the people you love and then lovingly wrapping those gifts, is part of the experience of Christmas.  You like to anticipate the moment that your kids will open up the gifts you so carefully chose.  When charities let you take the Christmas list for Family 243 and give you the power to choose presents and wrap them, they aren’t just indulging your need to give yourself a narcissistic high…they are TAKING AWAY DIGNITY from the family they are helping.

               

 Let me ask this question.  If charities decided that instead of actual gifts from an actual list, that they’d instead ask you for gift cards to a certain store, like Target or Walmart…would you still feel warm and fuzzy about donating?  If your answer is no, than you have proved my point.  If you only go shopping for these families so that you can get some ridiculous rush from picking out their gifts…then you aren’t doing it right.  If you’d rather give a Disney princess doll instead of dignity, then you need to reexamine your own priorities and world view.

I can't think of a witty caption here. Satire can only do so much.

               

  I’ve heard all the arguments.  “THEY’LL BUY BOOZE AND CIGARETTES”.   To which I say, “Shut the Bleep up”.  Do you realize the screening process these families go through?  And further, a shopping trip with a representative of the organization would be an easy fix to any potential problems.  Let mom and dad pick out gifts for the kids and each other.  Let them buy wrapping paper and bows.  Let them listen to Christmas music and imagine the delight on the kids’ faces when they see what mom and dad picked out.  LET THEM GIVE THEIR KIDS  A CHRISTMAS. 

              

I don’t understand how not everyone "gets" that this is about dignity.  I don’t understand why every year when I yell about this I am met with blank stares and frowns.  This isn’t about you.  Giving is never supposed to be about you.  It’s not supposed to make you get a high.  It’s supposed to be about giving someone else a high.

Kids are much smarter than we give them credit for.  We don't need to take away someone else's dignity to teach our kids about giving.  Talk to your kids about this.  Tell them that you want to help a mom or dad be able to go Christmas shopping for their kids.  Ask them which they think the mom or dad would rather experience; handing their child a gift you pick out or picking out those gifts themselves.  If you are of the Christian faith like my family is, read about how Christ wants us to go about our giving.  It is in this example that we will truly understand that giving secretly, is the right way to go:

Matthew 6:1-4

“Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.

2 “So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

Far be it from me to try to put words in the mouth of Jesus, but I'm guessing that Jesus was really trying to teach us that giving is not giving if it takes away dignity.  Jesus never once, in all His ministries, treated the poor or the less fortunate with any less dignity than He did anyone else. You don't have to be Christian to understand that this example is one we should all follow.  

A better mom than me would know what to do to fix the fake giving that happens every year around the holidays.  I wish I was that mom.