I’m writing this post today for a mom out there who might
stumble upon it. It occurred to me, after
reading this letter written by a woman to the unborn child she was planning on
aborting, that maybe, just maybe, someday a mom might stumble on my blog when
she needs it most. I don’t know if it’s
too late for the mom who wrote that gut-wrenching letter or not. It is probably too late. But, it might not be too late for
another. And so today, I’m writing this
letter in the hopes that someday, someone like me will find it.
I’m not going to debate abortion. I’m not writing this to shame anyone who has
chosen an abortion, or to try to convince people to change their political
position. No. That’s not what this is about.
This is just a letter from one mom to
another.
Dear mom to be,
I was you once. Long
ago on a college campus in Iowa when the leaves were just beginning to change
from green to gold to red. I remember
the smell of the leaves that day, because my sense of smell, like everything
else, was heightened. And not in a good
way. Everything smelled awful to me…food,
perfume, smoke, even my own strawberry shampoo.
And those smells made me throw up…a lot.
I didn’t know it yet, but it was because my hormones were raging. I was pregnant. I was also unmarried, clueless, and probably
pretty irresponsible.
But the smell of the leaves did not bother me that day. The wind was crisp, the world around me was
gold and red, and I was invincible.
And then I wasn’t.
Just two little lines on a test stick…..two little lines
that changed my world forever.
I know what you are feeling.
A fear that rises up inside you like a cold winter wind. It inches through every crevice of your body
and settles into your heart where it churns violently. Regular pregnant women…those who conceive in
marriage and who are met with hugs of joy when those two little lines appear…those
pregnant women know nothing of the fear that we feel.
Everything that you have planned in your life up until now seems
meaningless. Everything you have planned
for the future…that feels meaningless too.
The fear and the worry that are consuming you will wrap all those hopes
and dreams into a black void that is untouchable. Nothing anyone can say, (if you have mustered
up the courage to tell someone), will make the fear subside. It won’t even make it manageable. The fear has become another live thing inside
of you. It is growing, alongside that
little life in your belly, and soon, that fear may devour you to the point that
the only conclusion you come to is that in order to get rid of one you have to
get rid of both.
Choose wisely.
I have a very happy ending.
But it was almost not so. My then
boyfriend and I almost sabotaged that happy ending. It was a close call. I almost chose to get rid of the wrong thing;
thinking that the fear could not exist if the little life was removed from the
equation. That was almost my
choice.
But then, someone who I trusted very much pulled me
aside. She pulled me out from a bustling
school building where I’d been working a part time college job….pulled me into
the warm Autumn day with the gold and red leaves fluttering from the sky. She grabbed my hands and said to me.
“You are stronger than fear.
Fear comes from within and it can be destroyed from within. I believe in you.”
It sounds so clichéd…so….cheesy. I realize as you are reading this you must be
thinking that you are wasting your time. Please, don't stop yet.
Maybe you have no one who will support you through
this. Maybe the man who is the father of
the little life inside you is out of the picture, or, maybe you don’t even want
him in the picture.
Perhaps your family will disown you if you tell them the
situation that you are in. Or, maybe,
you are just too ashamed to tell anyone…even though there are people in your
life who would help you get through this.
Maybe all of these things are true. But listen to me now. You are stronger than fear.
Choices are funny things.
It’s easy to believe that because you can make a choice, that doing so
must be an act of free will. But it’s
not true. A choice made out of fear is
not free will. That’s being driven by
something other than your own wisdom.
Remove the fear.
Close your eyes and think about your situation. Now take the fear away. If you had nothing to fear, what would your
choice be?
I am not going to tell you that you are wrong or right. I’m not going to tell you that you are a
terrible person if you choose what I did not.
But I will tell you this.
9 months from now, or maybe a little less, the fear will be gone. Either you will have no fear because you make
a choice now, to remove the little life inside you, or, you will make a choice
to let it grow. In either case, you will
be looking at the world, 9 months from now, through a lens devoid of fear.
At that point, the ramifications of the choice you make
today will be clear.
Being a parent isn’t always easy. No, it is not. Further, I can only imagine the heart ache of
giving a child up for adoption…something that I have never experienced. I don’t know you, or your situation. And I don’t know that you will have a happy
ending the way I did. I am not writing
this letter to tell you that your life is going to be easy and free of pain or
worry. No one can guarantee that.
But I know this. You
are about to make a decision because of fear, and that is not a choice.
If you weren’t afraid, you wouldn’t be here. If you were so sure that what you are going
to do is the right thing, you wouldn’t have googled something, looking for
answers…justification…or hope, that ultimately brought you to my blog.
Let me offer you this.
I chose to not let the fear overtake me. It meant that, for a little while I had to
live with it. Every day I had to live with the fear, push things around inside me to let it find a place to live..temporarily. I feared the unknown for
nine months. I feared my own
capabilities. I feared the reaction of the world. I feared what my family and friends would
think. I owned that fear for nine months
because nothing anyone can say or do will make that fear completely go away. But I lived with it because I am strong. And so are you. How do I know that? Because you are here. You are already facing it. You are already a great mom, whatever choice you make.
Let me pull you out into the warm autumn day, where a canopy
of red and gold hang above your head. A
reminder that in a few months, when the winter winds give way, all will be
green and beautiful and new again. We
just have a few dark days to get through...just a few.
They won’t last forever.
Give me your hands.
You are stronger than fear. Fear
comes from within, and it can be destroyed from within. I believe in you.
It’s going to be ok.
From,
A mom that's been there
Resources:
Immediate Help: http://www.lifecall.org/cpc.html
Pregnancy Housing: http://maternity-home.adoption.com/
Adoption Resources: http://www.americanadoptions.com/pregnant/article_view/article_id/3211
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