Mr. Blondie's Secret Tool

I think everyone needs a secret tool

With Penelope and Padawan, some conversations naturally happened.  Padawan was 5 when I was pregnant with Penelope and Penelope was 2 when I was pregnant with little P…so they saw my belly grow, knew there was a baby inside, and wondered, “Hey how did that get in there?” 

Little P, however, will never see the wonder of one of my pregnancies.  In many ways, this is a good thing, because I am not at my best when pregnant.  Even so, it puts me in a position that I was never in with the other two.

What I mean by this, is that it’s a whole lot less weird to explain to your child how their own SIBLING got inside your stomach, then to have to explain how someone else’s got in there.

Because let’s be honest…I remember this talk with my own parents.  When you finally connect the dots between their odd, halting explanation of what really occurred it’s sort of alarming.  Wait What?  Geez did you really have to tell me that?  I’d hate to put some unsuspecting friends into this position.

So lately, little P has been watching the belly of one such unsuspecting friend, slowly get bigger.  We’ll call her Blondie.  Little P sees Blondie often enough, but her belly seems to grow a lot between each encounter. Blondie has some little rugrats of her own that little P hangs out with in various settings, and it seems that the subject of her belly and the baby inside has come up on a few occasions. Before we go any further I have to also thank Handy Manny for giving Little P the idea that there is an appropriate tool for any job that needs to get done.  Let's proceed:

“Does Blondie have a baby in her tummy?” Little P asked one very uncomplicated up until that moment day.

“Yes, she does!  Isn’t that exciting?”

“yeah, but hey, how did her baby get inside her tummy?”

Hmm.  Let me make this even more complicated and throw this little wrench into the story. Mrs. Blondie’s husband, Mr. Blondie, is not only a friend, but he’s also one of little P’s medical providers.  He sees him about every three months for a certain ongoing issue he has.  (Nothing serious, he’s totally fine, we just have to keep an ‘eye’ on things),  hehe.  In any case, here’s the scenario I envision if I tell little P the specifics on just how Blondie’s baby got inside her tummy.

MR. BLONDIE: “Well hello Little P, how is that issue of yours doing?”

LITTLE P: “Oh Hi Mr. Blondie, my issue is fine thanks for asking.  Hey guess what, I know what you did to Mrs. Blondie to put that baby in there.  Want me to describe it in microscopic detail so that you will be horrified and embarrassed and the rest of this appointment you won’t look my mom or me in the eye?  How bout that?!”

Because this thing works so well with no eye contact

The parenting books say to only give the information they ask for.  The parenting books say that they will stop asking questions at the point where they are satisfied.  What a bunch of BS…

“Well Little P, a baby grows in a mommy’s tummy when a mommy and daddy decide they’d like to have a baby.”

“Yeah, but when they decide that, how does the baby get in there?”

“Oh, well, there’s a process, and they have to make sure they follow the rules to get the baby in there.”

“What are the rules?”

“They have to be married.”

“Oh, so then they put a baby in?”

“Yes.”

“How do they put it in?”

“Together.”

“Mr. Blondie helped her?”

“Yes.”

“Where did he put it?”

“In her tummy.”

“With a tool?”

“So how about we go play a game Little P?”

“Okay, but wait…”

“What?”

“Did you use a tool to put me into your tummy?”

“I can’t remember, it’s been four years.”

“Maybe you should ask Mr. Blondie, he can tell you how to do it.”

“That’s something we probably shouldn’t ask.  It’s kind of private.”

“Oh his tool is secret?”

If I knew what a better mom than me would have done, I’d have done it.  But I don’t. Would she have blogged about it?  Probably not.

I’m hoping that on the next visit to Mr. Blondie’s office Little P doesn’t ask him about his secret tool. But rest assured...if  he does, I’ll be sure to let you know.